Grant Miller Media recently was named the 14th best personal blog of all time according to blogged.com - trailing blogosphere titans "Pond Perspective," "Skeet's Stuff" and someone named "Wil Wheaton" but slightly ahead of virtual unknowns "Roger Ebert" and "Rosie O'Donnell."
5.21.2008
Accolades.
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Grant Miller
at
3:42 PM
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Labels: 14th Place, Awards, Bloggers, Blogging, Blogosphere, Champions, Grant Miller Media, Other Blogs
My Speech to the Graduates.
I'm giving eight commencement speeches over the next three weeks and it's difficult to find a new angle on what's essentially the same address each time.
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Grant Miller
at
9:08 AM
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Labels: College, Graduations, Speeches
5.20.2008
A Recipe for the Best Ranch Dressing Ever!
Ingredients:
Water, corn syrup, whey (from milk), natural flavors, modified corn starch, distilled vinegar, onion juice, garlic juice, salt, cellulose gel, soybean oil, phosphoric acid, monosodium glutamate, xanthan gum, spices, garlic powder, onion powder, propylene glycol, alginate, coloring, sodium benzdate, sorbic acid, calcium disodium, cellulose gum, lemon juice concentrate, tocopheryl acetate, disodium guanylate, disodium inosinate.
What you'll need:
- A factory capable of producing and bottling your dressing.
- At least five 200 gallon, stainless steal vats for production.
- At least 2,000 sterile glass bottles per batch.
- About 75 low wage and undocumented workers.
- Political connections to overstep safety and sanitation regulations.
- Buy the factory.
- Purchase the required supplies, ingredients and chemicals.
- Hire low wage employees and a handful of managers and trained chemists.
- Pay off any local, state or federal officials.
- Enjoy!
Posted by
Grant Miller
at
4:14 PM
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Labels: Recipes, Salad Dressing, Tossed Salads
An Open Letter to My Kentucky Relatives.
Dear Granny Willifred, Gramps, Jethro, Jethro Jr., Jethro II, Little Jethro, Jethro IV, Jim Bob, Bobby Jimmy, Jimmy Bobby, Baby Bobby Jimmy, Benjy Compson, Saul, Joe Bob and his wife Jo Bob, Elvis, Col. Miller, Cletus, Louleen, Larleen, Lula Belle and Rufus the bloodhound,
Posted by
Grant Miller
at
9:58 AM
6
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Labels: Barack Obama, Elections, Hillary Clinton, Kentucky, Primaries
5.19.2008
"Bright Shiny Morning" By James Frey.
James Frey - the man known for fabricating his memoir "A Million Little Pieces" - has a new novel, "Bright Shiny Morning." Grant Miller Media got an advance copy and is republishing a portion of it below. I think you'll be as impressed as I was:
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Grant Miller
at
4:24 PM
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Labels: Book Reviews, Books, James Frey
Has This Ever Happened To You?
You're watching a porno and you stop and think, "Jeez, that's weird. That guy kind of looks like my dad."
Posted by
Grant Miller
at
3:56 PM
15
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Labels: My Dad, My Mom, Porn, softcore pornography
McCain's Press Conference.
Sen. John McCain spoke with reporters on Sunday on a range of issues. Grant Miller Media obtained the transcripts from McCain's campaign Web site. Here's a look at the discussion:
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Grant Miller
at
9:09 AM
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Labels: John McCain, Transcripts
5.17.2008
Random Songs on My iPod.
- "Was I in Your Dreams?" Wilco.
- "Metal Machine Music, Part IV" Lou Reed.
- "Leaves Me Cold" Lush.
- "I Dig You" Boss Hog.
- "Seeing Red" Minor Threat.
- "Paranoid" Black Sabbath.
- "Garden" The Groundhogs.
- "These Things Take Time" The Smiths.
- "Way Behind Me" The Primitives.
- "The Wind Cries Mary" Jimi Hendrix.
- "Elegy for the All Dead Rock Stars" Thurston Moore.
- "Can't Give Up" Sebadoh.
- "Blam!" Swell Maps.
- "Pilgrimage" R.E.M.
- "Feel" Big Star.
Posted by
Grant Miller
at
11:42 AM
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Labels: Big Star, Black Sabbath, Boss Hog, Jimi Hendrix, Lou Reed, Lush, Minor Threat, R.E.M., Sebadoh, Swell Maps, The Groundhogs, The Primitives, The Smiths, Thurston Moore, Wilco
The Most and Least Common Search Words Used to Find Grant Miller Media.
The Most Common:
- samantha brown nude
- gay hollywood
- who's gay in hollywood
- erin andrews nude
- samantha brown
- milton berle penis
- grant miller
- giada nude
- grant miller media
- hillary andrews
The Least Common:
- genie in a lamp grants king three wishes porn

- hannah montana eating cereal
- "thunder beads" "maid of honor" use
- apology letter template for a bad attitude
- French for "I have a baguette in my pants"
- robert downey junior burger king bathroom
- paddling college girls
- full chest and boobs hairy
- why do girls sniff other girls assholes?
- anal or ass or ass or pussy pic gape or gaping
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Grant Miller
at
11:14 AM
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5.16.2008
Six Unspectacular Quirks.
The Casual Slack invited me to this meme in 2002. It's taken me awhile to get to it:
- I love vacuuming carpet. But what I love more is the look of freshly vacuumed carpet. Obviously, the lines must be perfectly symmetrical. To get the lines perfect without any revealing footprints in the freshly vacuumed carpet, I usually vacuum forward and lift the vacuum back to repeat as needed. Most people - amateurs - will simply roll the vacuum back, ruining the straight lines. Once finished, I admire the freshly vacuumed carpet for a few seconds.
- I hate when light switches in a room point in different directions. They should be either all up or all down. This poses a problem in my basement where the switch atop the stairs controls the same light as another at the bottom. This dichotomy explains why our house is for sale.
- My favorite household chores in no particular order are: Changing the lint trap on the washer, emptying the lint trap on the dryer, cleaning the coffee maker, emptying the vacuum cleaner, changing the air filter on the furnace and wiping down the ionic breeze thing. I hate cleaning the litter box, placing salt blocks in the water softner and cleaning the gunk at the bottom of the sink.
- You know how iPods usually show the album cover for a song when it plays? I hate - hate - when a song plays without the album cover. I can spend hours online hunting obscure album covers. To date, there is only one album on my iPod that lacks album art - the Festering Rinyanons "Flantlander Recluse." I could scan it, but our scanner is broke and I'm too lazy to get another.
- I am the greatest parallel parker the world will ever know. I can make any tight parking space feel spacious and luxurious. I never need anyone to step out and wave whether I have room. And I always land inches from the curb. Never on the curb and never too far. Perfect every time. On one of our first dates, Krista and I drove to the Sears Tower and parked on the street outside. On the sidewalk, she mentioned how I never looked where I was parking and maintained our conversation and still parked perfectly. I said "I know." I am to parallel parking what Michelangelo was to the Italian Renaissance.
- I had a college roommate named Tim Quirk. He was a nice guy and to this day I still have his Pavement "Wowee Zowee" CD. I believe he also has my Elvis Costello "This Year's Model" disc. I've not spoken to Tim in several years, but if he reads this and wants his album back, I will gladly mail it to him. He can keep the Elvis Costello disc since I've replaced it. And although Tim is listed here because of his last name make no mistake, he is highly spectacular.
Do you have six unspectaular quirks? If so, list them on your site. Now!
Posted by
Grant Miller
at
1:47 PM
16
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Labels: Memes
The Question on Everyone's Mind.
The world's most obese man is vying for a new record - the person who's lost the most weight.
Posted by
Grant Miller
at
9:01 AM
18
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Labels: Fat Guys, Manuel Uribe
5.15.2008
A Confession.
You may have read recently that Barbara Walters had a lengthy affair with former Sen. Edward Brooke in the 1970s. It's been in all the headlines and Walters discussed it in detail with Oprah Winfrey recently.
Posted by
Grant Miller
at
3:44 PM
11
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Labels: Admissions, Affairs, Barbara Walters, Humor
Least Popular Tattoo Phrases.
"Fug Life."- "西贡报鸡豆腐" (Kung Pao Chicken with Bean Curd).
- "Only God and My Parole Officer Can Judge Me."
- "I Suffer From Chronic Lower Back Pain."
- "Ned Beatty 4Eva"
- "God Grant Me The Serenity To Not Regret This Tattoo Once I Sober Up"
- "How's My Walking? Call 1-800-Talk-2-Me and let me know."
- "I 'Heart' Uday."
- "American By Birth, Southern Because My Parents Were Cousins."
Posted by
Grant Miller
at
12:26 PM
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5.14.2008
Coming to a Theater Near You.
Posted by
Grant Miller
at
1:55 PM
12
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Labels: "Iron Man", Indie Hipsters, Movies
How to Tell You Downloaded a Fake Media File.
Nearly 500,000 people may have downloaded a phony music or video file that's actually a spyware-infested Trojan Horse. The outbreak is one of the biggest in years and occurred within the last week.
- Is the file of a pornographic nature? If so it's probably some of that sick stuff you're into, you disgusting pervert.
- If you downloaded songs by Daughtry that sound like crap - don't be alarmed. That's how they actually sound.
- Any files involving goat pornography probably belong to someone else. Because you would never do that. You don't even know how those files got on the computer. It's not like you surf the net all day Googling Goat+Hot+Love+Tang.
- Only download music from trusted sites based in Liberia.
- Always remember - it's impossible to download anything from your landline phone.
- If you suspect you downloaded a Trojan Horse, keep an eye out for Odysseus - he's a bad ass.
Posted by
Grant Miller
at
9:19 AM
10
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Labels: Computers, Spyware, Trojan Horses


