3.11.2008

Strawberry Shortcake Explains The Subprime Mortgage Crisis.

Hi! I'm Strawberry Shortcake. Do you like to blow bubbles? I know I do. But do you know what a housing bubble is? It's when home prices rise far beyond their intrinsic value. Some think subprime loans helped over-inflate the market! It may not sound as much fun as blowing bubbles, unless you're an attorney or you invest in gold!


It used to be that lenders offered mortgages to people with good credit and a down payment. But during the housing bubble, some lenders offered mortgages to those with bad credit with no down payment! And some borrowed more than the house's value! Those are subprime loans and they're berry bad.

Have you ever heard of an adjustable rate mortgage or ARM? It's not like your arm, silly! It's when an interest rate on a loan starts low but rises after a year. Some subprime loans were ARM loans to people with shaky credit. They hoped to refinance before the higher rates kicked in.

But then the housing bubble burst - just like when you blow bubbles! And instead of blowing more bubbles, people couldn't refinance and home values dropped!

Pretty soon, they started defaulting on their mortgages which is berry bad for them. But it's berry bad for you, too!

That's because many, many, many investors and financial institutions bought mortgage-backed securities. And when the subprime loans went into default, investors and financial institutions weren't paid. And that made them berry, berry angry.

Because they weren't paid, investors and financial institutions saw lower returns. And because they saw lower returns, they spent less. And because they spent less, other parts of the economy spiraled into chaos!

It's all berry, berry sad!

17 comments:

Falwless said...

Incidentally, Strawberry Shortcake was my mortgage broker. If only she'd explained this shit to me back then.

Evil Evil Genius said...

I did a re-fi with the Purple Pie Man a few years back. Everyone warned me he was sketchy, but who's laughing now?

McGone said...

So are you testing all your blog material on your daughters first these days?

Crankyputz said...

umm strawberry shortcake.....berry berry good

kissyface said...

Now I'll call her Strawberry Shortchanged.

Grant Miller said...

Dear McGone,

That's closer to the truth than you'd like to know.

Sincerely,
Grant Miller, Esq.

Chris said...

I have not read a more concise explanation of the subprime crisis. You should write for the national news. Hearing that I'm losing my ass in the market from Strawberry Shortcake makes it seem not so bad. Maybe Dora can now explain global warming in a way that makes me feel better too;)

Distributorcap said...

i bet strawberry shortcake rents

Leonesse said...

This could really work. Can you send this to Mr. Bush so he could maybe understand this better?

edP said...

Not that you do requests...but combining this post with the previous one...maybe Strawberry Shortcake can explain the investigation of Spitzer's irregular financial transactions leading to the wire taps and the NY Gov ending up in berry berry big trouble....

'Bubbles' said...

Berry well witten.

Old Lady said...

Old Lady pats her 7% VA Loan affectionately.

katrocket said...

Careful about taking her advice, though. I used to do blow with S-Cake in the 80s.

Teri said...

what does it say about me that I understand the whole sub-prime issue now that Strawberry Shortcake explained it?!

pistols at dawn said...

Damnit, I can't believe I listened to Apple Dumpling.

Or that I remembered that character's name.

jimmycity said...

I am stunned at the following:

1. That I watch cable news channels all day long, and have yet to hear the problem explained better or more concisely.

2. That the reader's comment here were as equally precious as the post.

3. That I still believe bailing out the idiots who signed up for these retarded loans should not be bailed out in ANY way, shape, or form.

4. That reading the word "berry" in place of the word "very" makes me want to lick the computer screen each time it occurs.

'Bubbles' said...

Jimmy I'm with you. Bailing out these loans is stupid. Economic principles are founded on balance. The politicians do this bail out crap for popularity/politics, but it is based on absolutely nothing related to economics. Choices / consequences. Another fundamental principle. Duh.