Misquote: "Winning isn't everything; It's the only thing," often attributed to Vince Lombardi.
The real quote: "Winning isn't everything; There's also hummus with Triscuits. Have you tried that? Delicious - just as good as winning, maybe even better."
Misquote: "Elementary, my dear Watson" attributed to fictional character Sherlock Holmes.
The real quote: "Elementary, my dear, dear, precious, fair-skinned, supple and tender Watson."
Misquote: "Religion is the opiate of the masses" attributed to Karl Marx.
The real quote: "Oxycotin is the opiate of the masses."
Misquote: "Friends, Romans, Countrymen lend me your ears" attributed to Mark Antony.
The real quote: "Friends, Romans, Countrymen lend me like $1,000. I got into some weird shit and Reno and now this guy wants my ass."
Misquote: "I'm not a crook" attributed to President Nixon.
The real quote: "I'm not a crook. I'm a racist and a homophobe and kinda paranoid, but not a crook!"
Misquote: "Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar" attributed to Sigmund Freud.
The real quote: Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar. But it's usually a penis you sick, perverted deviant. You're weird."
Misquote: "Let them eat cake" attributed to Marie Antoinette.
The real quote: "Don't let anyone have the last piece."
Misquote: "The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step" attributed to Confucius.
The real quote: "The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step...in bed."
Misquote: "I never yet met a man I didn't like" attributed to Will Rogers.
The real quote: "I never yet met a man I didn't like...if you get my drift wink wink."
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10 comments:
I heard that the real quote was "Let them eat cake...but save a middle piece for me".
Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar, unless it's being used by Bill Clinton.
Also on the Confucius quote,
11, 25, 33, 35, 39, 44.
I think Grant Miller said it best when he said, "I like putting things up my butt." I use that one all the time.
Once again, I receive enlightenment at the knee of the master. Thank you, Great One.
Or as Honus, the monk assigned to go to the archives and review the first writings discovered:
"Shit! It says celebrate, not celebant!"
Lombardi obviously never tried Pringles Extreme Screamin’ Dill Pickle chips.
I think William Shakespeare said a bunch of those things - especially the oxycotin stuff
No Yogi Bera? You're off your game, Miller.
I am visiting for the first time on account of I just took a quiz at Everything I Like Gives Me Cancer and I found out that I am in fact, you.
After reading a few posts, I would have to agree. I am you. Except you are funnier.
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