If Jesus Was a Video Store Clerk.

• He would turn VHS tapes into DVDs.
• He would rewind the unwound.
• He would forgive late fees on the Sabbath.
• He would curse Netflix and it would wither.
• He would walk the aisles to assist a customer.
• He would rise from bed to cover a co-worker's shift.
• He would turn over tables of video games and proclaim His store is for the rental of movies, not games.
• He would convert widescreen DVDs to letterbox.
• He would make 100 DVD copies from a single home video.
• He would resurrect Cuba Gooding Jr.'s career.
• He would denounce Hollywood writers as hacks.
• Scratched DVDs would be smoothed when He restocked them.
• He would turn the other cheek when a customer betrayed Him by renting a Jerry Bruckheimer movie.
• He would give authority to His 12 co-workers to smoke behind the store.
• And on the seventh day, He would take a 15-minute rest.