As many of you know, I am a great PATRIOT. Like all great PATRIOTS, I love MY COUNTRY. And like all great PATRIOTS, I am REQUIRED to RANDOMLY capitalize words!!! It's also VERY IMPORTANT to end sentences with SEVERAL exclamation MARKS!!!!
But I am WRITING to YOU, my fellow AMERICANS, on a different TOPIC.
MY WIFE is celebrating a birthday this weekend. She CLAIMS it's her 40TH birthday!!! But when asked FOR PROOF of her birthday SHE AVOIDS THE QUESTION!!!!
SHE CLAIMS she was born in MAY 1970 on an AIR FORCE BASE in NORTH DAKOTA!!!! BUT HOW DO I KNOW FOR SURE????
She CLAIMS she has no memory of her BIRTH!!!! You WOULD THINK she would REMEMBER such an IMPORTANT EVENT!!!! And THE ONLY TWO witnesses to her "BIRTH" are her PARENTS!!! HOW CONVENIENT!!!!
AND according to HER "PARENTS," the family MOVED shortly after my wife's "BIRTH!!!" Sounds like SOMEONE was on the RUN from THE LAW!!!! SHE DOESN'T EVEN KNOW what COUNTY she was "BORN" in!!!!
CAN YOU BELIEVE in the 15 years I've known MY WIFE she's NEVER SHOWN me HER BIRTH CERTIFICATE???? What is she TRYING TO HIDE??? She's NEVER even LET me INSPECT her DRIVER'S LICENSE or PASSPORT!!! WHAT is she TRYING TO HIDE???
The FACT IS without her BIRTH CERTIFICATE I don't even know how old she is or what day SHE WAS "BORN!!!" At this point I'm just taking HER WORD FOR IT!!!! Not one person ALIVE TODAY - with the exception of her "PARENTS" - has come forward to say he was was PRESENT at MY WIFE'S "birth."
Why does she expect me to believe these LIES???? She doesn't even LOOK 40!!!! She looks barely a DAY OVER 22 - yet she maintains this CHARADE in an effort TO RECEIVE GIFTS AND drag me to see "SEX AND THE CITY 2!!!!"
Please join me, MY FELLOW AMERICANS, in demanding my WIFE make her BIRTH CERTIFICATE PUBLIC to ME!!!!
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15 comments:
If she really loved you she wouldn't make you go see Sex and the City 2.
At the very least, she better get those papers in order in case she ever plans to go to Arizona. WHAT IS SHE HIDING???
I demand your wife make her birth certificate public to you!!!
Maybe she isn't actually human. It would certainly explain her desire to Sucks in The City II.
On a related note: Happy bee-day, Mrs. Grant Miller!
Actually, I would be concerned if I were you. If she is dragging you to "Sex and the City 2" then she IS a terrorist!
The only truly patriotic thing to do is to tap her phone and monitor her computer.
Wait, you are probably too busy, so let me do that for you.
Sex and the City 2? if i know Grant, he will sit and gently weep. he'll need to be excused to use the restroom every 10 minutes to "regain composure and freshen up." the truth is that he'll go to the restroom in order to bounce a rubber ball off the wall. records will be set. accuracy and flawlessness in record time is the goal. victory dances allowed.
Also as good AMERICANS we need to know what she's checking out at the library. SHE NEEDS TO BE WATCHED!
But I have serious doubts about YOU because you don't have ANY misspellings in your PATRIOTIC RANT!
lol your lucky you don't get a swift kick...Happy Bday Madame Grant.....Hope he makes you laugh as much as he can...
The AMERICAN people have a "RIGHT" to KNOW!!!
I'm going all the way to Harrisburg to see SATC2. Just be glad your wife isn't dragging you there.
isn't forcing you to see "sex and the city 2" an impeachable offence?
She hates you for your freedom.
What about YOUR PAPERS Grant?!!! She'll show you hers if you show her yours. That's how it all works.
so is your wife more carrie, sam, miranda or the other one
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