Dear Participants,
Congratulations on finishing the inaugural Fox Valley Marathon on Sunday. As you undoubtedly know by now, I no longer live in the Fox Valley as I moved to Tampa this summer.
That's why I found the timing of your inaugural marathon curious.
In all my years living in Chicago's western suburbs and the Fox Valley area there was never a marathon in my neighborhood. Not even a half-marathon to my knowledge.
But then - just two months after I leave - you hold a marathon. Isn't that a little odd?
Let's face it - you waited because you knew I would totally win. Not only would I win, I would dominate. Because I'm super fast and you know it. And my stamina is off the charts - and you couldn't keep up. And don't forget my abs are totally insane and they scared you.
You totally knew I would beat all of you and that's why you waited for me to leave.
Whatever. Now that I'm gone, you should hold a Fox Valley's Strongest Man competition, too.
Pfft.
Sincerely,
Grant Miller, Esq.
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6 comments:
The nerve!
I sense that the time might be right to move forward with your often delayed plan to rob Fox Valley Bank!
Fox, they run, you decide.
Do you know that Taco Bell on the way to Fox Valley Mall on 75th Street that looks like a mansion, like it has big ass pillars? We used to call that the Mecca of Taco Bells in high school because we used to love to go to Taco Bells and drink free refills and talk about stuff that seemed awesome at the time.
Hate to tell ya this, Grant, but the Fox Valley Mall just got Chicagoland's first Chik-Fil-A too. You were really holding up progress!
How sneaky!!!
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