Random Songs on My iPod.

1. "There She Goes Again" by R.E.M. This is a live version of the Velvet Underground song recorded in 1983 in Madison. Sounds like a fun night.
2. "Sex Sux (Amen)" by The Vaselines. Lots of fuzzy guitar.
3. "16 Military Wives" by The Decemberists. Haven't the slightest idea what this song is about but am guessing it's pretty political Fun and catchy nonetheless.
4. "Earthmover" by The Festering Rinyanyons. A loud, loud band from DeKalb, Illinois.
5. "The Pick-Up" by Sufjan Stevens. I'm pretty sure I could take on Sufjan and his 30-piece band in a fight.
6. "Let's Pretend" by Josh Berman. I just picked this up on Wednesday. It's very jazzy but in a good way. I grew up with Josh and he's a great guy. We hung out a lot in high school when he was first learning the cornet - he sounded awful and it gave me a headache. To hear this now is truly amazing. Go buy it. Now. You'll love it.
7. "Poor Places" by Wilco. The live version recorded at like the Park West. Eh.
8. "I Wanna Be Your Joey Ramone" by Sleater-Kinney. I'd also accept being your Marky Ramone.
9. "I'm Not a Punk" by The Descendents. It's true, I'm not.
10. "Two Steps Back" by the Fall. I'm not a punk. I'm more of a post-punk.
11. "Talking Bird" by Death Cab For Cutie. I picked up the most recent Death Cab record sometime last year and never really listened to it. Is it any good?
12. "I Don't Know" by The Beastie Boys. I don't know this song.
13. "Go Fun Burn Man" by Mission of Burma. Live version from a compilation.
14. "What We Do Is a Secret" by The Germs. Not my favorite band ever.
15. "Ziggy Stardust" by David Bowie. Mick Ronson played guitar.

J.D. Salinger Memorial Concert Announced.

An estimated 1.6 million people entered a lottery on Thursday to win one of 17,500 tickets available for J.D. Salinger's Memorial Concert scheduled for Saturday at the Los Angeles Staples Center.

For those unable to land a coveted ticket, the memorial also will be televised on Showtime and available on DVD in time for Valentine's Day, per the author's final wishes. CNN, MSNBC, Fox and other cable networks also will be on hand.

Already, tickets for the massive event are selling for $10,000 on Craigslist and eBay. Performers scheduled to appear include many of Salinger's closest friends - Stevie Wonder, Mariah Carey, Usher and Thomas Pynchon. Sir Elton John is expected to perform a rewritten version of his classic "Candle in the Wind."

Hollywood insiders say this is the ceremony to see and be seen at this season and the glitz and glamour are exactly the way Salinger would have wanted it.

Salinger - a longtime regular in the Hollywood club scene and a constant paparazzi source - died tragically on Thursday in Paris in a fiery crash.

Jerry Bruckheimer is directing a screen adaptation of Salinger's novel "Catcher in the Rye" starring Zac Efron as Holden Caufield. The film is scheduled for release in July 2011.

Clooney's Haiti Telethon Sees Record $61 Million in Opening Weekend.

George Clooney's newest "Hope for Haiti" brought in $61 million in its opening weekend, beating its primetime competition and sparking rumors of a possible sequel.

More than 83 million viewed the two-hour romantic-catastrophe comedy on Friday and another 24 million watched portions online. The film centers on Clooney's character as he tries to raise money for grief stricken Haitians with a cast of characters from Hollywood, New York and London.

"Hope's" opening weekend beat Clooney's previous rom-cat-comedy, 2005's "Shelter from the Storm" which saw $40 million in revenue in its opening weekend. Both are still off Clooney's all-time blockbuster, 2001's "Tribute to Heroes" which brought home an astounding $150 million.

Nonetheless, Hollywood insiders say "Hope's" opening receipts show Clooney still has the star-power to bring in big money, leading many to believe a sequel could be in the works.

Already, Tinsel Town wags suggest a sequel might be directed by either longtime Clooney confidant Steven Soderbergh or the star himself. Big name celebrities like Brad Pitt, Matt Damon, Andy Garcia and Don Cheadle are rumored to be interested.

Clooney already is said to be scouting locations for possible future catastrophes that would make for compelling drama and madcap comedy.

U.S. Bans Truckers from Texting and Driving.

Washington lawmakers on Tuesday outlawed truckers and bus drivers from texting from behind the wheel. The prohibition allows federal agents to monitor all outgoing texts for the following phrases:

• "brkr brkr 1-9 do u read?"
• "10 4 gud budd"
• "ovr n out"
• "smokey@mile marker 22"
• "yeeee hawwwwww"
• "slow down gud budd u blew my doors off"
• "p 2 tha m"
• "ne body got pills?"
• "do u copy?"
• "in da poky w/ smoky"
• "u got a smoky bout 2 bite ur b-hind"

The Betting Line.

5-4 on President Obama reading the text of tonight's speech from a hot, new Apple iPad.

Teenagers Hard Hit by Recession.

A recent New York Times report indicates teenagers are suffering financially from the recession in ways few could have predicted. Sales are down at stores catering to teens and unemployment is considerably higher than the national average.

Grant Miller Media conducted a survey of 1,500 teenagers to get their take on the financial crisis. Here's a look at the numbers:

Fact!

You're not fully clean unless your Zestfully clean.

Chemical Ali 1944-2010.

Chemical Ali, beloved husband of 35 years to Chemical Debbie (nee Larson), devoted father of Chemical Brett, Chemical Tim and Chemical Emily, proud grandpa of Chemical Michael, Chemical Taylor, Chemical Dakota and Chemical Emma, fond brother of Poison Dave, Hanging Chad and Torture Brooke, admired cousin of Saddam Hussein passed away peacefully by hanging Monday morning.

Visitation is Wednesday, 2 p.m. to 9 p.m. at the Good Shepherd Funeral Home, 2211 S. Park Ave., Baghdad, Iraq, across from the Falafel King restaurant.

In lieu of flowers memorials to the Baghdad Chemical Ronald McDonald House are appreciated.

Do Elephants Talk? New Dictionary Shows a Complex Language.

Cornell University researchers are compiling a dictionary of elephant sounds in an attempt to decipher the complex language of pachyderms. Here's a look at some of the phrases already translated:

• "Bwwwwwwwoughhhh" translates to "Hey."
• "Brrrrrrrooooowwwwwwhhhnn" also translates to "Hey."
• "Rrrrrrroooooooowwwuuuuunhhh" translates to "Hey! Look. I'm an elephant."
• "Bbbbbbbbbuuuuuuuuuuuuuughhhh" also translates to "Hey."
• "Wwwwwwwwwwwounnnnn" translates to "Hey look - food!"
• "Brrrrrrrrrunnnnnnnnn" translates to "Food. Here."
• "Bbbbwwwwwwwwwoooooo" translates to "Let's eat."
• "Bbbbbbbwwoooongh" translates to "Get out of my way. I'm an elephant."
• "Wwwwwwwooooooooouuuuuuungggggh" also translates to "Hey."
• "Rrrrrrrooooooowwwww" translates to "Hey. Look. I have tusks."
• "Wwwwwwwwooooooooooooouuu" translates to "Watch this. I can crush a watermelon with my foot."
• "Bbbbbbwwwwwwwwwoooowdddd" translates to "Hey! Did you hear that? I think it might be another elephant."
• "Bbbbbbwwwwwwowwwwn" translates to "Hey. Have you ever heard a human imitate an elephant? They're all like 'Rrrrrrwwwwwwwoooooo' and we totally don't sound like that."

A Year After the Inauguration, Americans Less Sure Obama Can Walk on Water.

Americans are more skeptical of President Obama than they were a year ago according to a new poll by Grant Miller Media and M.I.T.

Results are based on telephone interviews with 1,521 adults taken between Jan. 7 and Jan. 10, 2010 and were compared with a similar poll taken shortly after Obama's 2009 inauguration. Here's a look at the numbers:

In January 2009, 86 percent of Americans felt Obama would find the cure for cancer in his first year. Today, only 24 percent feel the same.

In January 2009, 80 percent of Americans believed President Obama could heal the sick with the soothing touch of his hand. Today, only 30 percent still agree.

In January 2009, 77 percent of Americans believed Obama could clone a unicorn. Just 44 percent think so today.

In January 2009, 84 percent of Americans believed President Obama would end human suffering and begin a Utopian world filled with clouds and rainbows. Only 23 percent still believe he can do that.

And Now, a Moment With Andy Rooney.

I don't know if you've noticed but it seems babies are everywhere now days. Have you seen these commercials with the talking babies? It used to be the only thing a baby could sell was baby food.

We all know about the Gerber Baby. Sure the food is for babies, but it's usually the mother that buys it. And it's usually the mother that feeds the baby. And it's always that mother that cleans the mess. Fathers aren't very good at that.

About the only thing the baby does is eat the food. Maybe they should use the Gerber Baby's mother instead. She does all the work.

What about babies that sell tires? You probably didn't know babies need tires. I know I didn't. Do you really think a baby would choose one tire over another? I've never met a baby that could even tell the difference between tires and I bet you haven't either.

But selling tires to worried parents is probably a little bit easier than selling baby food to a baby. It'll sure cost you more.

Here's a baby trying to sell me stocks. You can tell someone had some fun and made the baby talk with an adult voice. Babies don't know much about stocks and neither do a lot of adults. I know I don't.

I don't like commercials where babies talk like adults. It doesn't seem fair to the baby and it's degrading to the parents. Do advertisers really think we'll be duped into buying a product just because a baby tells us to?

One day I'd like to see a commercial with a mechanic selling tires or a stock broker selling stocks.

Maybe then I'll buy some baby food.

Fact!

Everything I know about New York City I learned from "Maid in Manhattan."

Are We Doing Enough?

Americans have raised more than $112 million since last week's catastrophic earthquake in Haiti. While much of that money will go to saving lives and providing food, water and shelter to the dispossessed, there is another desperate need that is easily overlooked - the care and nurturing of our most valuable news correspondents.

So many of us are immune to their suffering. We see their tired faces, dirty utility vests and slightly imperfect hair and quickly turn away, forgetting the devastation they feel leaving their comfortable, urban and mostly luxurious lives behind.

It's been a week since Anderson Cooper has slept on exquisite, imported 800-thread count sheets. An entire week! How long can a man - one who is both an heir to the Vanderbilt fortune and a respected CNN anchor - go without such commonplace luxuries?

And what about his silk, monogrammed pajamas? They don't dry clean themselves. Anderson Cooper is no ordinary man - he's a former Calvin Klein model. Do the Haitian people even realize that?

Things have gotten so bad, Mr. Cooper even may be forced to drink Ice Mountain water - from a bottle!

Of course, he does not suffer alone. Consider the sad story of Diane Sawyer.

As a former beauty queen and regular in the celebrity circuit, Sawyer requires the finest moisturizers and conditioners to maintain an aura of magnificence and exquisite beauty that are her journalistic trademarks.

But one week in the steamy Caribbean sun can damage the deep down pores that make Sawyer such a television commodity. Infrastructure problems have limited Sawyer to just one deep-cleansing mineral oil bath since her fabulous arrival in Port Au Prince last week. And even that was limited to an hour. This is Diane Sawyer I'm talking about. Not Elizabeth Vargas. Diane Sawyer deserves more.

So next time you give to a charity to help the Haitian people, please don't forget the brave men and women like Anderson Cooper and Diane Sawyer who look so good amid such devastation.

How Do Stores Honor MLK? With Prices So Low You'll Think You're Dreaming!

• American Mattress: Online shoppers get 10 percent off any online purchase when using the promo code "MLKJ" - clearly this is a deal fit for a KING!!!!
• Hewlett-Packard: A blowout three-day sale to honor the fallen civil rights leader with sales on everything from laptops and PCs to printers and storage drives.
• GNC: Shoppers can save 20 percent online and in-stores today only - because Dr. King had a dream that one day people of all races would stock up on colon cleansers and vitamins.
• Blinds Chalet: 30 percent off window blinds when using the "MLK30." You don't have to be blind to race to see this is a great deal!
• Kenneth Cole: Up to 50 percent off online and in stores for anyone who wants to fight social injustice in style.
• Premium Body Jewelry: Every shopper gets at least 35 percent off online purchases because if there's one thing Dr. King stood for it was navel piercing.
• Beauty Encounter: Save 10 percent when using the promo code "MLK834." We shall overcome dry or oily skin.

Grand Moff Tarkin

Grandma Tarkin

Pres. Bush Calls for Aid for Tahiti.

Pres. Obama on Saturday called upon former presidents Clinton and George W. Bush to aid in relief efforts following this week's catastrophic earthquake in Haiti. Here are transcripts of Pres. Bush's comments before reporters Saturday at the Rose Garden.

"The challenges facing Tahiti are immense. This former French Colony, located in what is now French Polynesia, is a beautiful and remote island perfect for honeymoons or romantic getaways. But all that changed this week with the earthquake. That's why I've joined forces with President Clinton to help raise funds for Tahitians and help rebuild their lei-based economy.

"The most effective way for Americans to help the people of Tahiti is to contribute money. That money will go to the organizations on the ground who can effective spend it. Please look us up at clintonbushhaitifund.org.

"Thank you."

Lost Bush Emails, Vol. V

Date: Nov. 14, 2003

To: Commerce Secretary Donald Evans

From: W.

"Donny Boy -

"Just wanted to give you a SHOUT OUT for all your good work. Keep up the commercerating.

"Sincerely yours,

"W."

This is one of 22 million recently discovered emails previously believed lost by the Bush Administration. Grant Miller Media is presenting samples of these emails as an ongoing series.

Lost Bush Emails, Vol IV.

Date: Jan. 20, 2001

To: Energy Sec. Spencer Abraham

From: W.

"Honest Abe -

"Not sure if this is under your jurisdiction but since you're my energy secretary I wanted to ask: Can you get Electric Light Orchestra back together? You know they do that one song 'Do Ya?' It goes Dah da-da dah - dah da-da dah Do ya do ya want my love? Do ya do ya want my love?

"Anyway it's a great song and if you can get them back together it'd mean a lot me and the nation.

"Respect,

"W.

"P.S. They're also known as ELO - for Electric Light Orchestra. Thanks."

This is one of 22 million recently discovered emails previously believed lost by the Bush Administration. Grant Miller Media is presenting samples of these emails as an ongoing series.

20 Random Facts.

• Baseball legend Joe DiMaggio invented the Sloppy Joe sandwich.
• True atheists will not make snow angels.
• Bobby Flay is the only Food Network personality to employ a stunt double during filming.
• The film "Ninja Assassin" is based on a short story by Charlotte Brontë.
• In 1997, Taco Bell briefly offered a chinchilla burrito.
• Flavor Flav is known throughout the rap world for his devotion to punctuality.
• Contrary to popular belief, chicken actually tastes like horse meat.
• The femur (thigh bone) is the longest bone in the human body. This is true for all humans except Milton Berle.
• Dimebag Darrell and 50 Cent are first cousins.
• During high tides, the Pacific Ocean is only 12 feet deep.
• The household product Swiffer is based on sketches made by Leonardo Da Vinci.
• To his friends, Walt Whitman was known as "The Situation."
• Madeline Albright and Ted Bundy were high school sweethearts.
• Actor Lee Marvin was President Reagan's first choice for vice president.
• Johnny Cash died penniless.
• The movie "Avatar" is based on a true story.
• William Faulkner wrote the screenplay for "Sleepless in Seattle."
• Noted Greek philosopher Plato was originally named Todd Landry.
• During his lifetime, Redd Foxx donated more than $5 million to find a cure for fake heart attacks.
• Days before leaving office in 2009, President Bush commissioned a new aircraft carrier named after George Thorogood.

The Most and Least Common Search Words Used to Find Grant Miller Media.

The Most Common:

1. catch phrases 2009
2. scat blogspot
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10. things you should never say to a baby

My Feedback for eBayer Seller "antiquesRus."

Dear "antiquesRus,"

It was my extreme pleasure and deepest, most sincere honor to do business with you recently. Your promptness, communication and overall enthusiasm made buying from you one of the greatest, most euphoric moments of my life. I will never forgot you.

As you well know, eBay only allows feedback comments of 80 characters or less. But 80 characters cannot contain my deeply held appreciation and admiration for you, my dear "antiquesRus."

I knew from the moment I saw your Hummel collection that I must do business with you. Those cherub faces with their German artistry and ceramic skin sent a shiver down my spine. Initially, I admired your Hummels from afar - I am a married man, after all. But when I saw your low shipping prices I could no longer ignore these desires.

Forgive me if I grow jealous of the positive comments other satisfied shoppers leave for you. They don't know you like do. They don't understand you like I do, my fair, fair "antiquesRus." Leaving you an "A++++" feedback feels so cheap and meaningless. My transaction with you went so far beyond positive A++++.

Sincerely,

Grant Miller, Esq. (hummelsR4Eva)

Fact!

Restaurants that serve home fries instead of real hash browns are lazy, incompetent and a threat to national security. They are dead to me.

Bumper Stickers You Never See.

Lost Bush Emails, Vol. III

Date: Aug. 14, 2005

To: All White House Staff.

From: W.

"OUT OF OFFICE REPLY:

"Thank you for your e-mail. I will be out of the Oval Office until Sept. 1 - had to go down to Crawford and clear out some mesquite.

"I'll try and review your e-mail when I return but that might take awhile. I get a lot of e-mails, you see.

"Don't mess with Texas,

"W."

This is one of 22 million recently discovered emails previously believed lost by the Bush Administration. Grant Miller Media is presenting samples of these emails as an ongoing series.

Lost Bush E-Mails, Vol. II.

"DATE: Oct. 22, 2003

"To: Atty. General John Ashcroft

"From: W.

"Hey Johnny Appleseed -

"I got some good ones for you, check this out -

• "How many attorneys does it take to change a light bulb? None - lawyers only screw people!!! Get it? Cuz lawyers like to do legal stuff to people 'n' take 'em to court 'n' stuff? They screw 'em. Get it?
• "What do you call 100 lawyers in a basement? A whine celler!!!! Get it? Because you know, lawyers whine? Not a wine celler. A whine celler. With an H. Get it? It's funny.
• "Where do vampires learn to suck blood? Law school!!!! Get it? Cuz vampires, they suck blood. And lawyers, they're like vampires? Get it? Ain't that funny? That one had me dying.

"Oh man, I spent an hour this morning reading a bunch of these and just CRACKING UP!!! I got a bunch more, i'll send 'em over to you eggheads real soon.

"Let me know if you heard any good ones lately. Unless you're gonna charge me for them!!!! Get it? Cuz lawyers, they like to charge people money for like everything and stuff? And I'm the president and I'm just asking if you have any jokes and then wondering if you're going to charge me for that? Get it? It's funny.

"l8r,

"W."

This is one of 22 million recently discovered e-mails previously believed lost by the Bush Administration. Grant Miller Media is presenting samples of the e-mails as an ongoing series.

Catchphrases for 2010.

• Amen for 2010.
• Using a ball-point pen in 2010.
• Watching CNN in 2010.
• Visiting an opium den in 2010.
• Hunting Cornish game hen in 2010.
• Visiting landmarks designed by noted English architect Christopher Wren in 2010.
• Misspelling Cambodian capitol Phnom Penh in 2010.
• Writing mad rhymes with a quill pen just like William Penn in 2010.
• Get the U.S. out of the U.N. in 2010.
• Standing in front of a line of tanks in Tienanmen in 2010.
• Playing some tennis in 2010 is.

The Most and Least Common Search Words Used to Find Grant Miller Media.

The Most Common:

1. Catch phrases 2009
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Your Invitation to the 2009 Drysdale Awards.

Grant Miller Media

Requests the honor of your presence

To witness the sacrament of the

2009 Drysdale Award for Blogging Ceremony.

on Saturday, the Second of January

Two thousand and ten

at 7 o'clock in the evening

Hala Kahiki Lounge

2834 River Road

River Grove, Illinois

RSVP: grantrmiller@gmail.com