Fact!

Samuel Beckett's "Waiting for Godot" was originally titled "Dinner for Schmucks."

Grant Miller Media Video Exclusive: German Music Fest Stampede.

Grant Miller Media Internationale obtained this chilling video from Saturday's German music festival that ended in a fatal stampede. Viewer discretion is advised.

Illinois Memories.

What does Illinois mean to me? That's a question I've wrestled with as my family prepares to move to Tampa in a couple weeks. Illinois - to me - means so many things. Illinois is countless people and places, thoughts and memories...

It's the sunny laugh and wacky antics of Wally Philips and Mancow Muller; It's Uncle Lar's "Animal Stories" broadcast far and wide every morning on WLS. It's flipping a shiny new nickel to the corner paperboy for the day's Sun-Times. It's the Pavlovian chimes of street carts offering goulash and pickled beets to neighborhood children. This is the Illinois I remember.

It's the warm, intoxicating fumes from Dr. McGillicuddy's homegrown Bessemer process; Thursday evening sock-hops at the drive-thru; the unmistakable aroma of fried cheese from the hobo camp near the old covered-bridge; it's the laughter of children. This is the Illinois I remember.

It's the showy spot lights and gilded theaters from the golden age of Vaudeville...It's the timeless memories of frat house hazing and coroner's inquests....The smell of bleach and lime in an otherwise dank and dreary crawl space; It's the view of Camp Chippewa from night vision goggles; it's the sound of streetcars and trolleys clanging their bells and greeting a new day; it's the aroma of rotting horse meat sold at black market street bazaars. This is the Illinois I remember.

Illinois is the tender song of the Blackpoll Warbler nesting in a weeping willow on a foul summer's day; it's Mickey Mantle hitting another round-tripper and bringing everyone home; it's the peaks of the majestic Bear River Mountains poking through early morning clouds; herds of migrating musk oxen making their annual pilgrimage to the mighty Mississippi; kicking cans down an alley on a hot summer's night. This is the Illinois I remember.

It's Samba street musicians entertaining young and old alike - oh how my granddad could make those castanets sing!! It's the rhythmic wail of the winds whipping across Lake Winnetka, setting our sails for a new destination. Clean-cut college kids belting out "Honeysuckle Rose" along sorority row; the White-necked Heron scanning the western skies for an elusive mate. This is the Illinois I remember.

It's Uncle Brucie reaching into the cookie jar for another gingersnap; blood-stained walls in a cavernous underground dungeon; the steady earth jolted awake by a stampede of 10,000 head of cattle on the ranch; And don't forget that infectious laugh of Wally Philips reminding us all how good it is to be alive. This is the Illinois I remember.

It's my dad brewing moonshine from the back of his Econoline and selling it to street urchins for a nickel; the endless questions from investigators for a crime you didn't commit; hopping a train to good old New Orleans with your best girl. This is the Illinois I remember....

U.S. Agrees to Swap Spies for LeBron James.

Federal prosecutors on Thursday presented indictments against 11 suspected spies amid word the group may be traded to Russia for LeBron James and Zydrunas Ilgauskus.

ESPN reported James' agent Leon Rose met with Justice Department officials Wednesday to finalize details of the deal. In exchange for James and Ilgauskus, ESPN reports the U.S. will send the 11 alleged foreign agents and a 2011 conditional first round draft pick to Russia.

The U.S. initially was a dark horse in the LeBron James free agent sweepstakes. Many believe the dismantling of the alleged Russian spy ring gave the federal government the cap space to land the two-time NBA MVP.

Russian, U.S. and NBA officials have refused to comment on any possible sign and trade deal. James and other top-tier free agents met with world leaders during last month's G-20 Summit to discuss diplomatic and economic impacts related to changing teams. Discussions ended when the U.S. and China failed to reach a new trade agreement for Yao Ming.

The acquisition of James and Ilgauskus could give the U.S. the versatility and athleticism it's lacked since the retirement of World B. Free in 1988. If James lands with the U.S., Las Vegas oddsmakers already speculated the U.S. would be the team to beat for the 2011 NBA Championship.

Tips for Having a Safe Fourth of July.

1. Don't place your lit M-80 firecracker next to a watermelon. Doing so could damage or destroy your watermelon.
2. Don't allow your mannequin to hold lit firecrackers. Every year, millions of mannequins lose their hands after holding firecrackers. Don't let this happen to your mannequin.
3. Keep sparklers away from your mannequin's clothes. Sparklers often are considered safe even for child-sized mannequins. But when their clothes come into contact with a fiery sparkler, they can easily become catch fire.
4. Do not light large fireworks on the desk near your seated mannequin. This common mistake can result can damage your desk and completely destroy your mannequin.
5. Don't light a strip of firecrackers in your mannequin's pants pocket. This often results in the mannequin's pants catching on fire.
6. Keep your mannequin's head clear of large fireworks explosions. Too often mannequin owners forget to move their mannequin away from large explosions only to see their beloved mannequin's head destroyed. Be alert to your mannequin's location at all times when fireworks are near.

A Note to Readers Viewing Grant Miller Media Via an iPad or iPhone.

Dear Readers,

In recent weeks, Grant Miller Media has received several complaints from readers accessing the site via an iPad or iPhone.

The most common complaint from these users is that Grant Miller Media does not update regularly and it's neither funny nor amusing. Others noted the site appears poorly written and shows a total disregard for even the most basic elements of the English language.

While investigating these complaints, Grant Miller Media has learned the issues raised by iPad and iPhone owners were common to other users as well. It appears the errors were intentional or overlooked in the blogging process. Grant Miller Media hopes to resolve these issues shortly.

Sincerely,

Grant Miller, Esq.