Practical Haikus.

How to Write a Legal Disclaimer for Your Business.

By Grant Miller, Poet.

First, start a business.

Cool. What's it like as the boss?

You should fire people.

How to Survive or Even Thrive During a Recession.

By Grant Miller, Esq.

Act like you're working.

Then steal a rich dude's I.D.

Let's go eat tacos!

How to do a breast self-exam.

By Grant Miller, Poet.

Uh. I can help you.

Uh. Hehe hehe hehe.

Yeah, uh. Just like that.

How to Build a Homemade Hydroponics System.

By Grant Miller, Poet.

You want to build a what?

What are you? A drug dealer?

Go play hacky sack.

Glenn Beck Supporters Head for Washington D.C. Rally.

Glenn Beck fans and Tea Party members arrived Thursday night in Washington for this weekend's historic rally. Here's a look at an exclusive video obtained by Grant Miller Media of supporters on their way to the National Mall:

Florida Rant.

It's been just about a month since we moved into our new home in Tampa and while I don't want to complain, there's something about Florida-life that already has me riled.

Manatees.

These damn sea-cows are everywhere - they are literally invading our state and forcing us to accept their sedentary lifestyle and speak in squeaks and chirps. Why is it when I call the county building I have push one for English two for Spanish and three for Manatish??? I even read somewhere that by 2016 there will be more manatees living here - illegally I might add - than humans!

And I don't want to come off as some anti-manatite - I have a manatee friend!! - but these herbivorous marine mammals DO NOT BELONG HERE! Send them back to the sea where they belong!

Before we moved down here, we checked the neighborhoods and schools because honestly, manatees drive down property values. I don't mind if manatees have their own neighborhoods and schools - hell I LOVE manatee food - but I DON'T WANT IT IN MY BACKYARD!

Even at our school which is 98 percent human - my kids HAVE TO spend an hour each day learning Manatish. I don't know how it was when you were in school, but when I was a kid you spoke a human language and we didn't cater to Manatees. Heaven forbid if my daughters ever bring home a manatee!!!

But it doesn't matter where you live because everyday we see carloads of manatees cruising down the street blaring their dolphin songs on the stereo. Have you heard some of those lyrics??? All they sing about is who's got the biggest pectoral fin - IT'S DISGUSTING!

But of course you can't say anything about this - noooooo. And you know why? It's because manatees have exceptionally strong hearing and they might get all offended! I'm so sick of manatee-correctness.

Weaker Economy Could Spell Less Business.

Fears of a double-dip recession have economists, politicians stockholders worried.

Slumping home sales and double digit unemployment has forced many business owners to slash spending - creating a cycle of more joblessness and consumer anxiety.

Consider the case of the Canadian firm, Bachman-Turner Overdrive (NYSE: BTO). When the company started, founders Randy Bachman and Fred Turner took care of business everyday.

But decreased demand for crunching guitars and chugging bass rhythms have hurt BTO's bottom line.

Just last month, BTO's board of directors announced it will stop taking care of business everyday and will likely cut pay for those working overtime.

It was a stunning announcement. BTO previously took care business everyday since January 1974 - often working overtime. The decreased productivity means business that still must be taken care of will likely be lost.

In Bachman's speech to shareholders last week, he acknowledged the economy will likely get worse before it gets better. "You ain't seen nothing yet," Bachman said. "Here's something that you're never going to forget. B-b-b-b-baby you ain't seen nothing yet."

To make matters worse, the Obama Administration will institute new rules on Overdrive emissions beginning in 2011. This will likely force BTO to take care of even less business and institute more fuel-efficient Overdrive methods.

Knife Stores I Would Like to Open.

• "Take My Knife, Please."
• "Knifetime: Knife Stores for Women."
• "Pro-Knife."
• "Right to Knife."
• "Once in a Knifetime."
• "Knife Insurance."
• "Mid-Knife Crisis."
• "Time-Knife Books."
• "This American Knife."
• "Full of Knife."
• "Man and Knife."
• "Quality of Knife."
• "Got to Get You into My Knife Store."
• "Lust for Knife."
• "Get Blade Tonight."
• "Mick Dagger."
• "You Take the Good, You Take the Bad. You Take Them Both and There You Have the Facts of Knife."

U.S. Begins Trial of Littlest Guantanamo Detainee.

U.S. Prosecutors opened the military trial today of Tiny Omar Khadr, the littlest detainee at Guantanamo Bay.

Grant Miller Media obtained the classified courtroom sketch (shown at the right) of Tiny Omar as he appeared at today's proceedings.

U.S. troops captured Tiny Omar in 2002 after he skipped school with a gang of rascally but lovable street urchins.

Prosecutors allege the group entered their mutt dog into a high-class beauty pageant causing many wealthy debutantes to faint.

Tiny Omar is accused of eating his pudding before finishing his meat, repeatedly asking for another bowl of gruel and rolling a hoop down a busy carriage-way. He's also charged with the attempted overthrow the U.S. government and working with Al Qaeda in Afghanistan.