Grant Miller Media.: 12.10

12.29.2010

The 2010 Drysdale Award Winners.

Blogger of the Year

Steam Me Up, Kid

Least Influential Political Blog

Blog With the Most Spam Comments

Grant Miller Media.

Blog With the Most Spelling and Grammatical Errors

Most Misinformed News or Entertainment Blog

Blog With the Most Stolen Material

Some Days It's Not Worth Chewing Through the Leather Straps

Oldest Blog

Grant Miller Media.

Blog with The Most Kitty Pictures

Blog with The Most Baby Pictures

Most Overt Plugging of a Blog's Facebook or Twitter Page

That Blue Yak

Most Overt Product or Service Endorsements

Wendy Brandes Jewelry

Ugliest Blog

Some Guy's Blog

Longest Posts

Matters of Taste

Least Updated Blog

Lots Better Than Your Blog

Least Read Blog

That Blue Yak

Worst Commenter

Grant Miller

Blog With the Most Swearing

Wendy Brandes Jewelry

Blogger Whose Online Persona is Much Cooler Than His or Her Real Persona

That Blue Yak

McGone Honorary Award for Lifetime Achievement in the Field of Not Blogging

Congratulations to all the winners and nominees. A lavish, five-star awards ceremony and gala hosted by legendary Hollywood funnyman Morey Amsterdam is scheduled for the very near future in lovely Tampa, Florida.

12.21.2010

Nominations for the 2010 Drysdale Awards.

Blogger of the Year

Steam Me Up, Kid

Least Influential Political Blog

Some Day's it's Not Worth Chewing Through the Leather Straps

Blog with the most Spam Comments

That Blue Yak

Some Day's it's Not Worth Chewing Through the Leather Straps

Sprawling Ramshackle Compund

Grant Miller Media.

Blog with the most Spelling or Grammatical Errors.

Some Day's it's Not Worth Chewing Through the Leather Straps

That Blue Yak

Most Misinformed News or Entertainment Blog

The Pop Eye

Some Day's it's Not Worth Chewing Through the Leather Straps

That Blue Yak

Blog with the Most Stolen Material

That Blue Yak

Some Day's it's Not Worth Chewing Through the Leather Straps

Oldest Blog

Some Day's it's Not Worth Chewing Through the Leather Straps

That Blue Yak

Grant Miller Media.

Blog with the Most Kitty Pictures

Some Day's it's Not Worth Chewing Through the Leather Straps

That Blue Yak

Blog with the Most Baby Pictures

Some Day's it's Not Worth Chewing Through the Leather Straps

That Blue Yak

Blog that Plugs it's Twitter or Facebook page the most

Some Day's it's Not Worth Chewing Through the Leather Straps

That Blue Yak

Most overt Product or Service Endorsements

Some Day's it's Not Worth Chewing Through the Leather Straps
That Blue Yak
Wendy Brandes Jewelry

Ugliest Blog

Some Day's it's Not Worth Chewing Through the Leather Straps
That Blue Yak
Some Guy's Blog
A Slightly Neurotic Nurse

Longest Posts
Some Day's it's Not Worth Chewing Through the Leather Straps
That Blue Yak
Some Guy's Blog
Make Do Style
Matters of Taste

Least Updated Blog
That Blue Yak
Some Day's it's Not Worth Chewing Through the Leather Straps
Sprawling Ramshackle Compund
Grant Miller Media.
Lots Better than Your Blog
Jack's Frozen Pizza

Least Read
That Blue Yak
Some Day's it's Not Worth Chewing Through the Leather Straps

Worst Commenter
Dr. Zibbs
Skyler's Dad
Bubs
Grant Miller.

Most Swears
That Blue Yak
Some Day's it's Not Worth Chewing Through the Leather Straps
Wendy Brandes Jewelry
Godammit I'm Mad

Blogger whose Online Persona is Much Cooler Than His Real Persona
That Blue Yak
Some Day's it's Not Worth Chewing Through the Leather Straps

McGone Honorary Award for Lifetime Achievement in Not Blogging.
Beth
Pistols at Dawn
McGone
Lulu
Better Living Through Bacon
Evil Genius

Congratulations to all the nominees. Voting concludes at 12:01 a.m. EST, December 29. Good luck to all. A lavish, formal ceremony will be held shortly thereafter.

12.20.2010

Lies I Told My Daughters Prior to Taking Them to Sunday's Justin Bieber Concert.

"You know what Justin Bieber loves? He loves broccoli."
"I read Justin Bieber only dates girls who keep their room clean."
"Justin Bieber would never talk back to his parents."
"Every time you fight with your sister, Justin Bieber ages a little."
"Justin Bieber cries when you forget to turn off your light."
"Even Justin Bieber takes naps sometimes."
"I'm old enough to be Justin Bieber's grandfather."
"Justin Bieber is so light of foot he leaves no tracks in freshly fallen snow."

12.17.2010

The 2010 Drysdale Awards for Blogging.

Grant Miller Media is accepting nominations of the 2010 Drysdale Award for Blogs.

Nominees will be announced when voting begins on Dec. 21. Voting will end at 12:01 AM on Dec. 29. Winners will be feted at a lavish gala ceremony planned for late December in Tampa.

Categories for nomination are:

Blogger of the Year.
Least Influential Political Blog.
Blog with the Worst Spelling and Grammar.
Blog with the Most Spam Comments.
Blog with the Most Stolen Material.
Most Misinformed News or Entertainment Blog.
Oldest Blog.
Blog with the Most Kitties.
Blog with the Most Baby Pictures.
Blogger Who is Most Overtly Paid to Endorse a Product or Service.
Most Overt Plugging of a Blogger's Twitter or Facebook Page.
Ugliest Blog.
Longest Post.
Least Updated Blog.
Least Read Blog.
Worst Commenter.
Blog with the Most Swearing.
Blogger Who's Online Persona is Cooler Than His or Her Real Persona.
The McGone Honorary Memorial Award for Lifetime Achievement in the Field of Not Blogging.

Nominations will be accepted via comments on this post, by e-mailing here, or by commenting on the Grant Miller Media Facebook Page or the Drysdale Award for Blogging Facebook Page. Please type "NOMINATIONS" in the subject line for all e-mail submissions. Details for the lavish ceremony gala will be announced shortly.

12.09.2010

If Asked, I Will Take Over Wikileaks.

Wikileaks founder Julian Assange was arrested in London this week on charges from a tryst he had with two Swedish women in August while visiting Stockholm.

His arrest puts the whistle-blower Website in jeopardy - the site's finances were frozen this week and its American servers shut down. Wikileaks has generated controversy for posting millions of classified military and diplomatic materials online.

If Assange's arrest threatens to end Wikileaks, I will proudly and honorably continue to fight its battle for political and global transparency.

As a former journalist, I understand the importance of free speech and will work proudly toward this goal. I fully support the public's right to know everything about its leaders and the world.

I also will maintain Assange's interest in romantic trysts with Swedish women. Not because I have any personal interest in Nordic beauties with their fair skin, flowing locks of blonde hair and icy blue eyes. But because I unreservedly support transparency in government.

I will not hesitate to travel the world to collect classified intelligence, to reveal evil-doers where ever they lurk. And if along the way I am forced into a carnal rendezvous with one or more buxom Swedish women that is a sacrifice I am willing to take.

Assange bravely published highly sensitive intelligence on the Internet, making him a target for governments world wide. If asked, I too will post such information online.

Especially if it requires relations with two or three Swedish women. At the same time. And they don't have to be Swedish, you know, they can be whatever.

12.08.2010

Five Keys to a Healthy Royal Marriage.

First comes love, then comes the Royal Marriages Act of 1772 which prescribes the conditions under which members of the British Royal Family may contract a valid marriage and provides stringent safeguards against undesirable marriages that could affect the succession to the throne and lower the status of the Royal House. It's a wonder any inbred offspring of noble lineage ends up walking hand-in-hand into the sunset of wedded bliss!!!

But the truth is even so-called happy Royal marriages may experience bumps in the road. Both partners may even fantasize about throwing in the doily. A new poll in Monarchy Monthly found a shocking 72 percent of queens and princesses considered leaving their husband at some point. Nearly equal numbers of kings and princes acknowledged they were tempted to behead at least one of their wives.

So how do you make it to the finish line with your relationship (and head!!!) intact? Here's how to have a healthy Royal relationship every step of the way:

1. Watch your waistline. Now you're married, you can finally relax and skip the gym, right? Wrong. Sure, Henry VIII was a little tubby, but that was the 1500s! So put down that massive turkey leg and chalice of mead and hit the Royal Ab Cruncher instead.

2. Have a financial plan. Nearly 40 percent of Royal couples admit to lying to their spouse about a purchase and money woes can harm any marriage. Except for yours. Sure, your Royal family is personally worth $500 million, but everything you actually need for a healthy Royal marriage is paid for: Palaces, crowns, jewels, scepters, horse drawn carriages, guillotines, servants, concubines, private Mediterranean islands, whatever. But don't get carried away - some of these things technically belong to the state. But fear not, they cannot take these things away as long as you are royalty. Which you are. For life.

3. Figure out your family rules. Couples often spend their first years butting heads over how their family will work. That's why it's important to get some of the big issues out of the way ahead of time. Will your family allow for direct contact with serfs? What are your thoughts on eye-contact or touching between Royals and non-Royals? Should official writs and noble decrees be signed with your name or simply "Most Excellent Majesty?" Ultimately, you need to decide who will wear the crown in your family.

4. Make sex a priority, not a chore. Once married, you must reproduce frequently to provide an adequate succession to the throne. This is your first and only concern. After that, it's still important to make sex a priority, but with other people. Kings should keep several courtesans and queens are expected to be swept off their feet by hirsute members of the Spanish Royal Family, causing centuries of war and jealousy.

5. Stay active. A couple that plays together, stays together. Take a moment everyday to be a couple. Sit at the harpsichord and pound out a few old favorites, acknowledge your adoring crowds from a gilded terrace or simply wave your scepter at an unworthy court jester before sending him to death. You'll find the more you share, the more you care.

12.07.2010

Tips for Preparing a Winter Car Kit for Florida.

Getting stuck in your vehicle during winter weather can be scary - just look at the thousands of motorists stranded last week during a storm in western New York. Worst of all - it can happen anywhere even in Florida.

Here's a list of things every Florida motorist should keep in the car in the event they're stranded by winter weather:

Sunscreen.
Some cool shades.
A beach towel.
Piña colada mix.
Jimmy Buffett CDs.
An umbrella for fruity cocktails.
Sturdy flip flops.
A mirror to alert other motorists that you're catching some serious rays.
Golf clubs, shuffle board or beach volley ball equipment.
An old captain's hat to protect your head and scalp.
A bikini.
Nair.

12.06.2010

Switzerland Announces It Has Produced Chocolate Cake Uranium.

GENEVA - Switzerland has produced its first batch of chocolate cake uranium, the delicious material for enrichment, insisting the new step strengthens its position and is a deterrent to possible nougat attacks.

Swiss Atomic Chef Thag Heuer said the the country is now "self-sufficient" in the baking cycle, having previously imported chocolate cake from abroad, primarily German chocolate cake.

The announcement comes as world leaders prepare to discuss nougat proliferation this week.

"The West had counted on the possibility that we would use our ability to melt chocolate and cheese only for peaceful purposes. But today we had the first batch of chocolate cake uranium from the Toblerone conversion facility," Heuer said. "Soon, our enemies will suffer death by chocolate."

The possibility of a nougat-Switzerland was rumored last week when several world leaders received mysterious calenders from the small European nation. Classified reports indicate Swiss operatives placed a small chocolate behind each date on the calender - a sign the country had reinstated its chocolate making facilities.

U.N. sanctions prevented the Swiss from developing chocolate cake uranium after the country developed knife with toothpick-capabilities during World War II. Such knives dramatically changed warfare and improved dental hygiene in combat.

Swiss foreign secretary Hoffmann La Roche said the chocolate cake uranium allows the country to negotiate from a position of scrumptiousness.

"No matter how much effort they put into their sanctions in creating all sorts of hinderance...our nougat activities will proceed. Börk, börk, börk" La Roche said.

Weapons-grade chocolate cake uranium is very difficult to manufacture - it requires exact temperatures, moisture and butter. U.N. officials believe the Swiss likely used extremely precise cuckoo clock technology to monitor the chocolate cake uranium materiel.

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