Meaningless Encounters I've Had With Legends of Baseball.

Legend of Baseball

Gary Sheffield

Date:

Most recently, this morning.

Location:

Tampa, Florida

The Inside Scoop: I joined a nearby health club a couple months ago. It's pretty nice - only a block away and it's got basketball, tennis, plenty of treadmills, a steam room, sauna whatever. I go maybe two or three times during the week and once on the weekends. Always in the morning, like first thing. And every time, this same guy always is working out. When I first saw him, I was like - he looks familiar. But I couldn't place him. He's built, but kind of short. Maybe even shorter than me. After staring at his face, I realized he looked kind of like baseball legend Gary Sheffield. So he's there every time and eventually I stopped staring because I figured that'd be weird. But then today we were alternating between machines and I looked at him and I thought, "Damn - he looks exactly like Gary Sheffield. But he's way too short. Sheff is like 6'5 or something I think." Curiosity got the best of me - so I Googled "Gary Sheffield" after my workout. Turns out he's listed at 5 feet 11 inches (which is a total stretch - he's maybe as tall as me and I'm not 5'11. Kind of like how Allen Iverson was listed at 6 feet 1 inch even though everyone knew he was 5 feet 9 inches.) So not only is Gary Sheffield shorter than I thought but evidently he lives two blocks from me in the exact same neighborhood as me (his house shows up on Google!). But the deal is he lives in the nicer, gated part of the neighborhood and I live where all the hired help stays.

Meaningless Encounters I've Had with Legends of Baseball.

Legend of Baseball

David Price

Date:

Jan. 20, 2011

Location:

Tampa, FL

The Inside Scoop: Our daughters went with their drama class to view a theatrical production of "Beauty and the Beast" last week, so my wife and I had an unexpected night alone. She asked if we had any wine and I was all like "No, sorry. We're out." And then she got all in my grill and goes "Wanna go get some?" And so I'm all like, "Okay." She was finishing some work so I walked to the little convenience mart around the corner from our condo. I walked in and the place is empty except for the dude that works the counter, some tall dude with funky jeans and me. I browsed the wine section - they don't have much of a selection because it's a convenience mart. But I picked up a bottle of red something or other and got in line behind the dude with the funky jeans. The reason why I noted his jeans is because he was like real tall. Like his butt came up to my eye level, so it was almost impossible to not notice his funky jeans. He was talking to the dude behind the counter about baseball or something. Finally - finally - the tall dude took his bag and left. The dude behind the counter pointed and said "How about that. Did you see that?" And I was like, "What?" "Did you see who that was?" "No. Wait, is he like on the Rays or something," I asked. And the dude behind the counter said "Yeah, that was David Price, he lives around the corner from here. So do a few of the other Rays." So that like blew me away, to be that close to a baseball legend and his funky jeans. Once I got out of the store, I Wikied "David Price" because I honestly had no idea who he was. I guess he's a pitcher or something. Technically, he's not a baseball legend. But he is my neighbor and that's what really counts in life.

Lawmakers Cross Aisles, Sit Together for State of the Union.

Lawmakers from both sides of the political divide sat together during President Obama's State of the Union address on Tuesday. Typically, Republicans and Democrats sit separately, but lawmakers hoped the mixed seating arrangement would show greater civility and cooperation between the parties.

Here are some photos obtained by Grant Miller Media as lawmakers listened to Tuesday's address:

Do Films like "Black Swan" Glorify Unhealthy Body Images for Girls?

Health experts have long complained Hollywood goes too far promoting unhealthy body images for teens and young adults. The complaint is simple: Teens idolize a celebrity, admire his or her body and then try to emulate what they see.

Despite these warnings, Hollywood's mill of negative body images never stops. The latest culprit is the Academy Award-nominated film, "Black Swan."

The movie, starring Natalie Portman, follows the lives of two highly-competitive dancers at a New York City ballet company and is packed with thin ballerinas prancing across the screen.

The body images in "Black Swan" are not only unhealthy, they are entirely unrealistic. No healthy woman should grow wings. Ever. It's completely unrealistic to expect that.

But movies like "Black Swan" make young women believe they need to grow wings if they want to look good for society.

How many adolescent women will see this movie and try growing wings, too? Is this the message we want sent to young girls, that to look good you have to be thin and grow wings? I hope not. How many young women will eat a diet of eggs and poultry with the unrealistic goal of sprouting wings?

Sure, some women are naturally winged and that's just their body type. But the vast majority of women do not have wings and we should not encourage them to grow wings just because it's fashionable.

Look at women like Beyoncé, Tyra Banks or Scarlett Johannson. No one has ever called them unattractive just because they don't have wings. When will Hollywood learn that non-winged is beautiful, too?

Clooney Has Malaria.

Handsome actor George Clooney contracted malaria while visiting Sudan earlier this month. The disease. Malaria is common in tropical and subtropical regions and kills an estimated one and three million annually.

Here are symptoms Clooney is believed to have suffered prior to treatment:

• Devastating handsomeness.
• Extreme dashingness.
• Bouts of dreaminess.
• Confidence without arrogance.
• Perfect cheekbones.
• The deepest, darkest eyes God has ever given a man.
• Mild facial stubble that seems totally unaffected.
• A warm, masculine voice that cured all who heard it.
• An easy-going demeanor that simultaneously appeared laid-back and smart.

Complete Text of President Kennedy's Inaugural Address.

President Kennedy gave his historic inaugural address 50 years ago today. Considered one of the greatest presidential speeches of the 20th Century, Kennedy's address set the standard for every administration since.

To commemorate this historic event, Grant Miller Media presents the full text of President's Kennedy's speech:

"My fellow Americans,

"Blah blah blah. Blah blah blah blah. Blah blah blah. Words words words. Blah blah blah blah. Blah blah blah. Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah. Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah, blah blah blah blah

(APPLAUSE)

"Blah blah blah blah. Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah. Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah? Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah: blah blah blah blah.

"Words. More words.

"Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah. Blah blah blah, blah blah blah blah. Blah blah blah blah, blah blah blah blah. Blah blah blah blah!

(APPLAUSE)

"Blah blah blah blah. Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah. Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah. Blah blah blah blah, blah blah blah blah. Blah blah blah blah? Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah, Blah blah blah blah.

Blah blah blah blah? Blah blah blah blah? Blah blah blah blah? Blah blah blah blah!

(APPLAUSE)

Blah blah blah blah blah blah. Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah, blah blah blah blah. Blah blah blah blah. Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah. Blah blah blah blah, blah blah blah blah. Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah.

Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah. Blah blah blah blah. Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah.

(President Kennedy then said some more stuff.)

(APPLAUSE)

"Ask not what your country can do for you - ask what you can do for your country!"

(APPLAUSE)

New Study Says Most Students Waste First Two Years in College.

A new survey indicates college students spend more time socializing during their first two years than studying. The survey, conducted by the authors of "Academically Adrift," tracked 3,000 students at 29 universities and showed few developed "broad-based skills and knowledge" during their freshman and sophomore years.

Instead of learning, most college students spend those early years socializing, sleeping and only occasionally hitting the books.

Okay - so here's the deal college students - You're wasting two critical years that you will never get back. Your parents didn't send you to school so you could simply throw away two years socializing.

There simply is no excuse - your days of partying, keggers and promiscuity should not - must not - end in your sophomore year. Keep it going into your junior, senior and fifth or sixth-year senior years.

Of course, you could waste it tragically reading "Silas Marner" only to write a pathetic 20-page essay that no graduate assistant will ever read. That is your prerogative.

But that's not what college is about.

College is about watching bad cover bands at dive college bars, it's about streaking across the quad during finals week, it's about the smell of bong water, pet ferrets and interesting choices in facial hair. Most importantly, college is about hacky sack.

Are you willing to sacrifice two good years - some of the best years you will ever live - just so you can listen more attentively to some middle-aged know-it-all in tweed drone on and on about early English literature?

If you've learned anything, you should know reading "Beowulf" is an incredible waste of time.

Meaningless Encounters I've Had With Legends of Baseball.

Legend of Baseball:

Derek Jeter

Date:

Jan. 3, 2011

Location:

Tampa, Florida

The Inside Scoop: My wife and I had a 9 a.m. meeting with a new accountant. Since we moved, we figured we'd hire an accountant for this year's taxes. Also, one of our 2011 resolutions is to have taxes done long before April 15. So we met with the accountant and he answered all of our questions - he seems really good. Afterwards, Krista asked if I wanted to go to the Starbucks on South Howard Street. I said "Okay." The Starbucks on South Howard is filled with more hipster cool guys than the one on Kennedy Boulevard. The one on Kennedy is filled with a few hipster cool guys, but there's also a lot of bums and hobos who use it for the bathroom. The Starbucks on Kennedy definitely has more street cred, but the one on South Howard is closer to our house and way safer. So we parked on the street out front and walked into the Starbucks. And you'll never believe who we saw - Krista's hair dresser!!!!! We chitchatted for a few minutes - I think her name is Pam or something. Then I asked Krista what she wanted - I didn't need coffee since I grabbed a full mug at the accountant's office. Krista wanted an Americano with room. I got in line while Krista continued to chitchat with her hair dresser who's name I believe is Pam. It also might be Victoria. I can't remember and if I asked Krista now, she'd think I was rude for not remembering. I know she's in band, like a ska band or something. She looks like a hair dresser that would be in a band. A ska band. So I'm in line and I saw this dude by the barista station waiting for his drink and for a second he looked like any other dude. But then I did a double take. "Oh my God. That's baseball legend Derek Jeter." Derek Jeter lives about five minutes from our condo, so it really shouldn't have come as a big surprise. I've driven by his house a few times - it's HUGE but it's still under construction. One thing I've noticed since coming to Tampa is people use their proximity to Jeter's house when giving directions. Like "I'll be there in two minutes, I'm over by Jeter's house" and stuff. My gut reaction when I see Jeter on the baseball field is to yell "you suck!" But when I saw him waiting by the barista station I was star struck. Plus, he's my neighbor now. So I motioned over to Krista "Hey - look who it is" I mouthed. She was equally star struck, plus she kind of has a crush on Jeter. Whatevs. So finally I make eye-contact with Jeter. Unlike baseball legend Bert Blyleven who held my gaze as much as I held his, Jeter immediately looked away. My gut wanted to give him the finger when he looked at me - he's Derek Jeter for chrissakes. But I lamely gave him a thumbs up. A couple seconds later he walked by with his drink. I mumbled something like "Nice job with the new contract." And he mumbled back, "Thanks." Afterward, I went up to my wife who was still talking with her hair dresser and I was like "Wow, that was so cool." And her hair dresser was all like "Who's Derek Jeter?"

Meaningless Encounters I've Had With Legends of Baseball.

Legend of Baseball:

Bert Blyleven

Date:

Dec. 12, 2010

Location:

Tampa, Florida

The Inside Scoop: I took my kids to International Mall for some Christmas shopping. We parked by Nortstrom and went in. First my daughters were distracted by women's shoes, then they wanted to sample every perfume. After 20 minutes we left Nordstrom and ventured into the mall. First we stopped by the Sanrio store so my youngest daughter could buy a Hello Kitty iPod case. Then we decided to go to Claire's for earrings. The mall was crowded with holiday shoppers but as we walked I saw a tall, thin man about 50 feet away walking toward us. I immediately recognized him as baseball legend Bert Blyleven. I made eye contact and he noticed me staring. Ordinarily, I would have turned away but I was so certain he was baseball legend Bert Blyleven that I continued to hold his gaze. As he came closer we continued to stare at one another and it got a little uncomfortable and weird. As he walked past, I mouthed the words "Bert Blyleven." In that instant he knew I was the only person in the mall who recognized him. At Claire's, I Googled "Bert Blyleven" on my iPhone and found he has a winter home near Tampa. I texted my brother-in-law (the only other person I know who'd care) and told him the big news. He was mightily impressed. Three weeks later, Bert Blyleven was elected to the Hall of Fame and I believe our brief staring contest between the Sanrio store and Claire's had something to do with it.

Fact!

Kraft Macaroni and Cheese is the cheesiest.

New Catchphrases for 2011.

• Goin' to Heaven in 2011.
• Countin' on lucky number seven in 2011.
• Playin' pool with a guy named Bevan in 2011.
• Hey Bevan, watch where you stick that pool cue - you nearly hit my intestine in 2011.
• Oh, and look here's Bevan's friend, Kevin, in 2011.
• Maybe after we're done playin' pool my homies Kevin and Bevan will get our drink on with a Seven and Seven in 2011.
• Oh look, here comes our mutual friend whom no one can remember the name of, The Tibetan in 2011.
• Hi The Tibetan. Would you like some sweet lemon in your Seven and Seven in 2011?
• Employin' the legal services of Levin, Levin and Levin in 2011.
• Jammin' to the phat beats of Siouxsie and the Banshees original bassist Steven Severin in 2011.
• Googlin' the career stats of retired Major Leaguer Phil Nevin in 2011.
• Warmin' up my calves with some sweet leggin's in 2011s.
• Listenin' to that sweet string section in 2011.
• Don't be dissin' my reed section in 2011.
• Playin' some mad crazy piano scores like my man André Previn in 2011.