Pics of My Junk.

This might sound like an odd hobby, but I love taking pictures of my junk. Every chance I get, I find a private place where I can go and snap a couple shots of my junk. Even if I'm at work, I'll just quietly place my cell phone under my desk and snap a quick picture of my junk.

Sometimes I post these pictures online or give them to total strangers in the many chat rooms I frequent. One time I went to a chat room and said "Anybody want pictures of junk?" You'd never imagine the response I got!

Other times I'll just show the pictures to my wife, but she's always disgusted at the sight of my junk.

I'm sure I'm not the first guy to take pictures of his junk. Whoever invented the camera probably did it just to snap a few pictures of his junk. You know how guys are, they're always showing off their junk.

Growing up, my uncle always tried taking pictures of my junk. After awhile, I felt pretty comfortable with him looking at my junk. But things got weird when he touched my junk.

My junk has really grown recently - see, I'm renting an office in downtown Tampa, but it's also doubling as a storage locker until we move into our new house next month. So you can't crawl under my desk without bumping into my junk. But our new house will be great - it has a giant deck. I'll post some deck pics after we move in.

But you don't want to hear my life story. You just want to see my junk. Enjoy:

Here's my junk on my desk.

Here's my junk under my desk.

Another shot of my junk.

I can't wait to move so I can finally let my junk breathe.

Grant Miller Media Presents: The Unelectables.

James "Jimmy" McMillan, Republican from New York.

Running for: President of the United States.

Political experience: None. McMillan unsuccessfully campaigned for governor of New York in 1994, 2006 and 2010, lost New York City mayoral bids in 1993, 2005 and 2009 and was removed from the ballot in the 2000 U.S. Senate election in New York. Although McMillan has lost every political race he's entered, in 2010 he was appointed mayor of Hyundai City in Burlington, N.J.

Platform: McMillan flatly believes rent is too damn high. McMillan supports immediate spending cuts on rent, arguing that rent is simply too damn high. On his Website, McMillan notes that "99.9 percent of our children are living under poverty" because the rent is too damn high. If elected, McMillan plans to balance the budget, mostly by lowering rental costs which, as he explains, are "too damn high." McMillan also promises to change how Washington D.C. works by changing how it pays rent, which he believes is too damn high. On foreign affairs, McMillan believes rent is too damn high. On abortion rights, McMillan has stated rent is too damn high. On gun control, McMillan supports rent is too damn high. On healthcare reform, McMillan has come out strongly for rent is too damn high. China? Rent is too damn high. Afghanistan? Rent is too damn high. Iraq: Rent is too damn high. Okay - so you get the picture. McMillan is a one issue candidate and that issue is the RENT IS TOO DAMN HIGH.

Center of the Universe: McMillan is single and has two adult children. He founded The Rent Is Too Damn High party in 2005.

Big Cool Friends: McMillan appeared in a mock debate beside Cris Collinsworth and Phil Simms on Showtime's "Inside the NFL." In the debate, McMillan frequently noted rent is too damn high. He was portrayed by Kenan Thompson in a 2010 skit on "Saturday Night Live."

Little Buddies: In November 2010, McMillan released an album on iTunes titled - you guessed it - "The Rent is Too Damn High (Volume 1)." It features hits like "R.E.N.T.," "When You Can't Pay Your Rent," "Landlord Listen Up," and "Rent Party Christmas." But the most downloaded track is "Come 2 the Floor."

Evidence of Possibly Contradictory Behavior: McMillan pays no rent. In a 2010 New York Times article, McMillan said he maintains his Flatbush apartment building in exchange for free rent from the landlord. In the 2006 New York gubernatorial election, McMillan's name appeared twice - once as a Democrat and once under the Rent Is Too Damn High party. McMillan's Democratic running mate, Randy Credico, later called him "jack off" and a "sorry ass" for abandoning the campaign. McMillan announced last month he will run as a Republican in 2012 despite years as a Democratic supporter and said he switched parties to avoid campaigning against President Obama.

He's not all bad: McMillan is a Vietnam veteran with three bronze stars. In a 2010 court case, McMillian succeeded in keeping the word "Damn" on the ballot after it was removed by the New York Board of Elections. After returning home from Vietnam, McMillan briefly worked as an R&B singer for Brunswick Records.

Odds of winning: THE RENT IS TOO DAMN HIGH!

Meaningless Encounters I've Had With Legends of Baseball and Their Celebrity Girlfriends, Vol. I

Legend of Baseball:

Alex Rodriguez

Legend of Baseball's Celebrity Girlfriend:

Cameron Diaz

Date:

March 4, 2011

Location:

Tampa, Florida

The Inside Scoop: I went to the Publix (which I still call the Jewels) with my daughter and her friend early Friday evening. While there, we bumped into a neighbor, a woman who lives in the same condo building a few floors above us. "Did you hear about our new neighbors," she asked. I leaned in, expecting some juicy gossip about someone in our building violating association bylaws or playing music too loudly or something equally mundane. "No, what happened," I responded. "Well, you didn't hear this from me, but ARod and Cameron Diaz are living in our building through spring training." I tried to play it cool. "Really? I'll have to keep an eye out. Maybe send my daughter to their condo to sell Girl Scout cookies." My neighbor, who hails from New York City and alleges to have seen everyone who was ever important, admitted she was a little star struck when she first saw our celebrity neighbors. My neighbor's story was confirmed a few hours later when I saw the couple walking to their car (a black, late model Porshe convertible).

As you may know, I've had many run-ins with Legends of Baseball and Hollywood Celebrities. But this situation and its potential impact on my living situation poses a problem I never truly imagined.

Krista and I have been married 12 years. Somewhere along the line we both developed a List. This is not uncommon - many couples who've been together for years have developed similar Lists.

For those unfamiliar with the term, a List is a handful of celebrities, titans of industry, rock stars or athletes that you are allowed to leave your spouse for with no questions asked. Your spouse must be aware of the List and its members and vice versa. You can't get upset if your spouse leaves you for someone on the List - you were warned and agreed to it.

Membership on any List may change, but the idea always is the same - if they're on the List you can have at it.

My problem is Cameron Diaz has always been on my List.

Her, Charlize Theron and Scarlett Johansson are the most senior members on my List. Others have made brief appearances, but those three are the most permanent. If my List was the U.N. Security Council, those three would be the United States, the United Kingdom and France. They're there for good and have veto power.

My wife's List, like the fairer persuasion in general, is far more discreet and well-reasoned: Warren Buffett, George Clooney, Adrien Brody and Owen Wilson. Krista denies the existence of her List, much the same way Israel denies it has nuclear weapons.

When discussing my List with Krista, I always counter it with "If I really wanted Cameron Diaz, or Charlize Theron or Scarlett Johansson I would go out and get them and they would be mine. But I've chosen you, dear Krista." She knows this is bull, but I think it's a pretty good argument to get me out of a prickly situation.

But now that Cameron Diaz and I are neighbors, what am I to do? Who am I to stop her pursuing me? Technically, because she is on the List and retains veto power, I don't think I can.

Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated.