What the Federal Shutdown Could Mean for Different Agencies.

With a government shutdown looming, here's a look at how different federal agencies might be affected:

The Judicial Branch:

• Activist judges will not be able to pursue their Socialist agenda.
• Most convicted felons will run free.
• Federal cases requiring urgent review will be decided by online polls.

The Department of Agriculture:

• The systematic fattening of America will cease during the shutdown.
• All tractor pulls, rodeos and hoedowns will be regulated by state and local officials.
• 4-H clubs will not meet.

The Department of Defense:

• A boot in your ass will come courtesy of Toby Keith personally, not the Red White and Blue.
• War re-enactors will appear even creepier during the shutdown.
• (Redacted) (redacted) will (redacted) (redacted) to (redacted) (redacted) and the Kremlin (redacted) (redacted) Superman (redacted) (redacted).

The Department of Education:

• Federally funded public school indoctrination programs for Communism, Fascism and Sodomy will close.
• School lunches will consist of candy and cigarettes.
• Bullies will rule the playgrounds.

The Department of Health and Human Services:

• The shutdown will allow veterinarians, tattoo artists and television actors who portray doctors to administer medicine and perform surgery.
• Viewing the heartwarming Robin Williams comedy "Patch Adams" will be the prescribed treatment for hospital patients.
• Free pills.

The Department of the Interior:

• Buffaloes will be unleashed on an unassuming public.
• With national parks closed serial killers will be forced to dump bodies in private parks.
• Federal agents will have to pay a deposit to get Old Faithful turned back on.

The CIA:

• Street drugs supplied by the CIA will be hard to find during the shutdown.
• CIA operatives will stop all mind surveillance of all Americans.
• The highly classified Operation Yellow Tail will not not exist.

The Bureau of Alcohol and Tobacco:

• Babies will be allowed to smoke.
• Beer produced during the shutdown may not be fully krausened and may only be partially krausened.
• Nothing can stop the smooth, rich taste of Camel Lights.

The Post Office:

• Due to budget constraints, postmen will now only ring once.
• Not even a government shutdown can stop junk mail - am I right folks???
• Unpaid postal employees are guaranteed to be even more surly - am I right folks???

NPR and PBS:

• PBS will pre-empt regular broadcasting for a continuous, 24-7 pledge drive marathon.
• "Seasame Street" will be brought to you by the letters "I" "O" and "U."
• "Wait...Wait...Don't Tell Me" will be retitled "Wait...Wait...Until the Federal Shutdown is Over."

The National Endowment for the Arts:

• Federal funding for obscene, homoerotic arts will be on the down low if you know what I mean.
• Artists will be forced to sell their works at local Holiday Inns at starving artists prices.
• Beauty will be in the eye of the lien holder.

Shadow Governments:

• Will not be able to fully manipulate gold markets.
• The Federal Reserve will stop giving our money to international bankers and money lenders.
• The federal shutdown plays right into the Bilderberg Group's ultimate plan for the fate of the world.

My NEW HOUSE!

We moved into a new house last weekend and are finally getting settled in. We had been renting a crummy, little condo since we first moved to Tampa last summer. But this new house gives us a lot more space at a decent cost.

But enough of my yammering - here are the pictures:

This is a shot of our neighborhood - it has a real Florida vibe to it.

Some neighbors came by to welcome us to the neighborhood.

Home sweet home!!! It needs some work, but I love it!

Here's a picture of me doing heavy lifting on moving day.

Here's a picture of our kitchen.

Here's a shot of the master bedroom.

Here's a shot of the living room.

There's a two car garage, too!

Practical Haikus.

Tips for Enjoying an Art Museum.

By Grant Miller, Poet

I've been to a lot.

Bored? Look for paintings with dogs.

Always works for me.

How to Save Money on Auto Insurance.

By Grant Miller, Poet.

You should steal a car.

Like a kick ass Camaro.

No one can stop you.

How to Avoid Submitting Suspicious Expense Reports.

By Grant Miller, Poet.

Get a job at the

Race track. All problems solved.

You are The Gambler.

How to Be Amazing and Fit after 50.

By Grant Miller, Poet.

How 'bout that Cybil

Shepherd? My my. Uh huh. Yeah.

Know what I'm sayin'?